Let’s face it – life can be tough sometimes. Whether we are in a communication road-block with our partner, have a child struggling at school, or just can't lose that extra 25 pounds, life finds endlessly creative ways to challenge us.
Talking to friends or family can be a great way to blow off steam and even to brainstorm creative ways to solve the problem. However, finding a solution can sometimes be difficult, especially if the problem is a chronic one. This may be because our perspectives on the problem and its causes stay the same, in other words, we have the same belief systems around what is wrong, who or what might be at fault or how the problem should be solved. I certainly have been “guilty” of this, and it can make it difficult to effectively deal with the issue at hand when a fresh approach may be what’s required.
When facing an uncomfortable problem, we generally want to feel supported and understood, and we want a solution. If we’ve been going around in circles with no resolution in sight, we can sometimes begin to feel a bit hopeless.
A fresh perspective on the issue could help bring new understanding and creative possibilities for solving the problem, but how can we get that?
Get a Fresh Perspective with Dialogue Journaling
Journaling with Dialogue, developed by American psychologist Ira Progoff in the 1960s, is one of my favorite ways for gaining insights and perspective on a problem. It is a written dialogue between yourself and another person, object, or concept, taking on the perspective of that person, object or concept when you write their part.
For example, you might write a dialogue between yourself and your partner, if you are struggling in your relationship. If you always seem to be wrestling with your finances, you might write a dialogue between yourself and Money.
When writing about an object or concept, such as Money, it can be helpful to personify it first – give it a personality, describe what it’s wearing, what its voice sounds like etc. Describe whatever comes to you when you think about this object or concept. It doesn’t have to “make sense”. Giving the object or concept a personality to “relate to” makes it easier to dialogue with.
When writing both your description and dialogue, write quickly; keep your hand moving on the page or on the keyboard. Don’t censor yourself and don’t worry about “getting it right”. Let whatever you want to write come out, even if it seems irrelevant. Keep going until you feel finished.
In your dialogue, start by stating your concern. Be honest about your thoughts and feelings and stay open and curious about your dialogue partner’s perspective. Ask them questions. Ask them what they want and need. Be sincere in inviting them to share with you. You may be very surprised at what you learn.
Here are brief excerpts from a journaler’s dialogue with her body around weight loss to get you started. In personifying her body, the words, “a warm animal who likes softness and kindness” arose as part of the "personality" of her body.
Some of the dialogue looked like this:
Journaler (J) : I can’t seem to lose this belly weight.
Body: You’ve been way too critical about me. I do my best for you and you just complain. It’s not as easy as it used to be.
J: Is there anything I can do to help?
Body: Well, relax a little for starters. You stress too much and that hurts your blood sugar. Also, love me more and realize that you’re not 22 anymore. Maybe cut down on the fats some, but not too much because I like those….
Stay open and curious about the insights and solutions that arise, as they may be different from what you’d normally expect. If you struggle with this method at first, keep trying. Like anything, journaling with dialogue improves with practice and the more you do it, the more natural it will feel. Done regularly over time, it will reward you with insights, ideas and a sense of strong inner guidance.
Journaling can be a very beneficial tool for gaining insights, solving problems and exercising creativity, but it is not a substitute for psychotherapy. If you ever feel like you need help beyond that which a journal or your friends and family can provide, don’t hesitate to seek help from a licensed, qualified counselor or psychotherapist.
Originally published on May 1, 2015 in Portland's SE Examiner's "Wellness Word"